Blog Tuesday, September 01 2020
Silent Cries Of my unborn Of my broken heart Of my empty arms Of my fear, regret, and shame Of the secret I carry
The cry lies dormant deep below the surface Like a volcano Buried under layers It builds Unbeknownst to others who only see the surface Cannot let them know The red-hot searing regret Boiling in my soul The surface cracks Tears, once again, flow Keeping it “under control” Just smile I’m fine They will not look too deep If they could see Beneath to the deep within Their judgment would shine Like fire in their eyes The look they would give Confirms my shame I am no good Unworthy, unwanted Too stained to be cleansed I see the scene Removed from their doors For what example would be set With this filthy mess in their midst Head hung in shame Sure now of all I am due Judgment, ridicule, and pain No hope for me Nothing can be done The stain is set The scarlet letter Written for all to see So all can keep Their distance from me I cannot be set free There is no forgiveness Great enough for me Trying to hold my brokenness together My pain seeps through the cracks The red-hot lava pouring All can now see The burning in my soul My hope, my life Empty I am abandoned So alone I turn and see The One who knows His arms are opened Not for me. Not for me Start anew Keep this all confined Plaster on the smile That will keep this volcano quiet I cannot let them know I cannot let it show So very, very alone Jesus died for all you see All but certainly not for me My sin is too great The sacrifice I made Has set the tone My life In hiding and alone The voice of the choice I made Were told to set me free It’s my body It’s just tissue It’s not alive It will be over I can move ahead with my life Grasping tightly to what I was told Would be undone if these were wrong How can I live with what I had done How can I not see the look The judgment in their eyes I see it in my own I cannot breathe I was wrong My arms are forever missing this little one
I shared my testimony as a short story in a writer’s group. There was one who was so angry at me. The regret I expressed, stirred such rage in her. I realized then that I had challenged her stance. Her belief in abortion. I then learned she had had multiple. She repeated "I am fine", "I am fine." so many times. She wasn’t fine. I recognized the deep pain within her. I had seen in it my mirror and in the eyes of the women who shared their pain with me. In this short story, I brought to the group my path to healing. Tolerance was not high on the list in that group. My faith, my healing, my restoration were all shot down, and ridiculed while her views were celebrated. Her rage towards me was taken as strength of conviction which, in the group's eye, made her right. In the midst of this story discussion, I recognized the look in another woman's eyes. I watched as the small flicker of hope burned out and she pushed down the pain and shut the door. She never gave me the chance to talk to her. She is still out there. Is she you?
Women Broken hearts, shame, fear, regret, and feeling so alone These are the other casualties of abortions. For every child that is lost A woman loses a piece of her heart A man loses a child The loss of family, of motherhood, of fatherhood Families broken, never to be made whole
We are told in Matthew 6:14-15 “If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive you” Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Not just the small ones, all of them. If you repent of your sins, Jesus will forgive you. Let go of the notion that until you forgive yourself, you cannot be healed. Jesus did and His sacrifice is enough. Forgive each one who had a part in your abortion. The ones who told you about it, who encouraged you to do it, the ones who performed the procedure, the ones who didn’t try to stop you, the one who told someone else, Whoever comes to your mind, forgive. Forgiveness may take time. You may repeat this process again and again. I know I did. Ask the Holy Spirit for insight on any others you need to forgive. Let’s uproot the bitterness we are carrying |