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Kate Bancroft
Blog
Tuesday, September 01 2020
Silent Cries

 

   

Silent Cries

 Of my unborn

 Of my broken heart

 Of my empty arms

 Of my fear, regret, and shame

 Of the secret I carry

 

The cry lies dormant deep below the surface

Like a volcano

Buried under layers

It builds

Unbeknownst to others who only see the surface

Cannot let them know

The red-hot searing regret

Boiling in my soul

The surface cracks

Tears, once again, flow

Keeping it “under control”

Just smile

I’m fine

They will not look too deep

If they could see

Beneath to the deep within

Their judgment would shine

Like fire in their eyes

The look they would give

Confirms my shame

I am no good

Unworthy, unwanted

Too stained to be cleansed

I see the scene

Removed from their doors

For what example would be set

With this filthy mess in their midst

Head hung in shame

Sure now of all I am due

Judgment, ridicule, and pain

No hope for me

Nothing can be done

The stain is set

The scarlet letter

Written for all to see

So all can keep

Their distance from me

I cannot be set free

There is no forgiveness

Great enough for me

Trying to hold my brokenness together

My pain seeps through the cracks

The red-hot lava pouring

All can now see

The burning in my soul

My hope, my life

Empty

I am abandoned

So alone

I turn and see

The One who knows

His arms are opened

Not for me. Not for me

Start anew

Keep this all confined

Plaster on the smile

That will keep this volcano quiet

I cannot let them know

I cannot let it show

So very, very alone

Jesus died for all you see

All but certainly not for me

My sin is too great

The sacrifice I made

Has set the tone

My life

In hiding and alone

The voice of the choice I made

Were told to set me free

 It’s my body

 It’s just tissue

 It’s not alive

 It will be over

 I can move ahead with my life

Grasping tightly to what I was told

Would be undone if these were wrong

How can I live with what I had done

How can I not see the look

The judgment in their eyes

I see it in my own

I cannot breathe

I was wrong

My arms are forever missing this little one

 

I shared my testimony as a short story in a writer’s group. There was one who was so angry at me. The regret I expressed, stirred such rage in her.

I realized then that I had challenged her stance. Her belief in abortion. I then learned she had had multiple. She repeated "I am fine", "I am fine." so many times. She wasn’t fine. I recognized the deep pain within her. I had seen in it my mirror and in the eyes of the women who shared their pain with me.

In this short story, I brought to the group my path to healing.

Tolerance was not high on the list in that group. My faith, my healing, my restoration were all shot down, and ridiculed while her views were celebrated.

Her rage towards me was taken as strength of conviction which, in the group's eye, made her right.

In the midst of this story discussion, I recognized the look in another woman's eyes. I watched as the small flicker of hope burned out and she pushed down the pain and shut the door. She never gave me the chance to talk to her. She is still out there. Is she you?

 

 

Women

  Broken hearts, shame, fear, regret, and feeling so alone

These are the other casualties of abortions.

For every child that is lost

 A woman loses a piece of her heart

 A man loses a child

The loss of family, of motherhood, of fatherhood

Families broken, never to be made whole

 

We are told in Matthew 6:14-15

“If you forgive those who sin against you, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you refuse to forgive others, your Father will not forgive you”

Jesus died on the cross for our sins. Not just the small ones, all of them.

If you repent of your sins, Jesus will forgive you. Let go of the notion that until you forgive yourself, you cannot be healed. Jesus did and His sacrifice is enough.

Forgive each one who had a part in your abortion.

The ones who told you about it, who encouraged you to do it, the ones who performed the procedure, the ones who didn’t try to stop you, the one who told someone else,

Whoever comes to your mind, forgive.

Forgiveness may take time.

You may repeat this process again and again.

I know I did.

Ask the Holy Spirit for insight on any others you need to forgive.

Let’s uproot the bitterness we are carrying

Posted by: Kate AT 05:29 am   |  Permalink   |  Email
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