Tuesday, December 19 2017
Tomorrow marks the day that we have been married for 30 years. 30 years! That sounds like a long time! We spent more of our lives married than not. If you had asked me about 5 years in if we would make it this far, I am not sure it would have been a positive answer. Communication issues, selfishness and pride tripped us up daily.
I have 5 sisters. That's right no brothers. My dad left early for work, I think to escape the insanity of 5 girls getting ready for school at the same time. The bathroom schedule was inflexible and we only had one. If you were late, too bad. If you went over your time, you would be removed. I was far down on the 'food chain" and purposely tried to bother my oldest sister. I learned how to speak "pink". I never learned to speak or hear "blue".
We joke about it now, but it was not funny then. I was so sure Brian was bit crazy. I thought often "who thinks like that?" I knew he was wrong and he knew he was right. Compromise? Never! In the wedding ceremony it is says "The 2 shall become 1" and I was NOT going to be the one who disappeared. We didn't fight really. He grew quieter and I grew angrier. Worked great for us! Then came the day a friend gave us the book "His Needs, Her Needs". Light bulb moment for me when I realized that we just think differently. There was nothing wrong with my husband, he's just speaking a different language than I am.
I learned how to take my complaints to God first. I tell young couples we mentor that the best arguments I had with Brian were the ones he wasn't even there. I unfortunately I would complain to God about him, ask God to fix him and to change him. Yep, none of that happenend! Instead, God led me to Proverbs 31. Yep, I DID NOT like that! I was raised to be strong and independant. Women's Lib! Never submit! I had even refused to say "obey" in my vows.
For 2 years, I read Proverbs 31. God wasn't interested in how I wanted Brian to change, He was after me changing. I look back at the young woman I was and I do not recognize her. Of course, selfishness and pride rear their ugly heads. Over these years we have learned the art of "Speaking Purple". We get it right more times than not. We have learned to listen with love not self. To speak while holding their heart in our hands. To sprinkle grace, forgiveness and laughter throughout our day. Have we arrived? Of course not! Our relationship is stronger, deeper and more in love than yesterday. I have been crucified in Christ and it is no longer I who live but Christ lives in me. Jesus is the center of our life. The transformation is real. The relationship with the 3 of us is real. Proverbs 31 is still directing my life today. Prov 31:11-12
"The heart of her husband safely trusts her, so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good nad not evil all the days of her life."
So here is to the first 30 years. I cannot wait to see the level of transformation in the next 30!