We heard the thump. Whatever it was, it hit hard. Stepping out into the deck, we found the answer. A beautiful female goldfinch lay dead. She had not noticed the window for what it was and hit it.

How often have I done the same thing? Just gliding along in life, thinking the way is clear only to be blindsided and knocked down by something that seemed to be an open door but wasn’t.

In Matthew 10, we are told the Father notices every sparrow and that we are not to fear because we have more value than many sparrows.

If our Father pays attention to the birds of the air, why should I be surprised when He responds to what I am doing?

 The narrow path is where we are called to walk. Distractions are all around us and things are not always as they appear. We are told to be on our guard for the enemy is prowling about looking for one he can knock off the path. He has done it before, Eve with a piece of fruit, changed her life forever. Peter, fear overtook him and he denied Jesus. I could give you a long list from my life.

The bird was flying and probably saw the sun’s reflection in the window but didn’t notice the glass. This distraction cost her, her life. The enemy wants it to cost us our eternity, our soul.

Be aware of his tactics. If it doesn’t line up with scripture, it’s like the window. It might look like an easier way but eventually, you will hit it and get knocked off the narrow path.

When I signed on for the book project centered on forgiveness, I truly thought it would be easy. I don’t hold grudges or hold on to unforgiveness. So I thought.

What I discovered was quite different.

The depths I had buried unforgiveness towards myself was unearthed and laid bare.

Not dealing with it wasn’t forgiveness.

Not talking about wasn’t forgiveness.

Burying down deep to hide it and forget, wasn’t forgiveness either.

I knew what I wanted to write but it was not coming together. I wanted a piece full of kumbaya and good feelings. What I received was a strong word with clear instruction of what I was to write. I played it over in my mind for several days. Trying to figure out what it would look like and how I should do it. How transparent I really needed to be. I asked, “Do I really have to do this, say this, share this?!” Silence. The deafening kind! Then I realized I was trying to put my own spin on what He said. I was uncomfortable with the truth laid bare. I was more worried about what everyone would think than the glory He would receive because of His transforming work within me.

A few hours later and with many tears shed, I finished what I was told to write. I didn’t even read it. I just sent it to my publisher and waited. I also had to share it with my husband. It isn’t just my story to tell, it’s his also. It was written from my perspective but it involves both of us deeply.

It became clear the work God had been doing in me over the past few months was all for this assignment. It was time, He wanted a complete healing of the old wound. I had discovered how much I had buried about my past. How much I held on to and the depth of unforgiveness I had towards myself which spilled over onto my husband and infected every area of my life.

I had to come face to face with this question, “Is the work Jesus did on the cross enough for me, for my sin?”. By holding on to unforgiveness, saying “I can never forgive myself”, I was telling Him it’s not, try again, do more for me, and refusing His sacrifice. I am making little of the cross. Ouch! I was given a picture in my mind. Jesus on the cross, looking right at me and saying “Kate, I did this for you”. The choice to receive, however, is up to me.

Unforgiveness is a prison. By forgiving myself, the chains came off and the door opened. I being once a prisoner am now set free.

Matt 6:14-15  For if you forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will forgive you. But if you don’t forgive men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.

Forgiveness begins with you. If you forgive yourself of your trespasses, your heavenly Father will forgive you.

Freedom awaits.

Luke 7: 36-50